i start student teaching tomorrow. i hope it's anything but boring.


will c. make me cry before these 15 weeks are up? will i remember not to give her any lip? will le academie hire me when it's over? will i care, once it's over?


i don't think i'll change my mind entirely (i'm sure that would have happened already if it was going to), but i'm already feeling suffocated by the DOE. i'm not even in and i want out. to stay out.


about anything, i always think: how can i make this work for me? like, i need stuff to work for me. but here i've been thinking - what can i add to this classroom? how can i make myself a part of it and it a part of me? and i think i have to think differently about this. i have to stop thinking i have nothing to gain from c. ... i have to stop thinking, at least for these 15 weeks, how much i hate this system. most importantly i have to stop thinking that i have anything to offer the classroom i'm a guest in. this is so different - i have to remember that for these 15 weeks, i'm not at a job. i'm in a non-negotiable academic setting and will be tested, among other things, on how well i can suck it up.


sigh.