bitchmeter OTS

kevin and i missed a real wedding on account of the fake wedding. and we were late for the reception. i was starving (because we couldn't spend our down time in the kitchen with the cookies, damnit) and grumpy as heck. on the way to waikiki i was rummaging through his bag, looking for something to read, and he practically grabbed the bag from me and goes "what are you looking for?!" so i pretty much threw his bag back in the cab and said nevermind if you have SO MUCH STUFF YOU HAVE TO HIDE, and he said it was just that since it was his bag and all, he could probably help me find whatever i was looking for. and then the bestest part of all - k, who wanted to tuck in his KEN MOMOCHI ALOHA SHIRT for the wedding shot, REFUSED to tuck in his long-sleeved dress shirt for the actual wedding reception. at the shoot, he asked me whether the aloha shirt would look better tucked in and i said no. so when we got out of the car and were rushing to the hotel, i said, "THAT [red long-sleeved dress shirt] has to be tucked in." he said no, he liked it that way, and GET THIS, proceded to cite robin williams as his fashion inspiration. GOOD GOD! hey, everyone knows i love creative expression in dressing but that shirt looked ridiculous, and by the way, robin williams is allowed to look ridiculous because he is ridiculous. he makes a living being ridiculous. are you laughing yet? replaying it in my head, it is pretty funny but at the time, of course, i was pissed. anyway i then said that i should have just worn the yellow-gold pants i was planning to all along, and he said why didn't you, and i said "because i wanted you to look like you were with someone SANE." so he got all offended and said "am i embarrassing you?" and i said "why can't you ever just let a subject drop?" which made no sense because the subject was nowhere near closed at the time. whatever. again.

we got to the ballroom but decided to use the restroom before we went in. when i came out he was tucking his shirt in, so i went over and yanked the tucked-in part back out and stalked into the ballroom. no i was not at my best, but yes there was an open bar and so things improved shortly thereafter. i ordered a greyhound but someone forgot the juice so i tanked a highball of vodka on the rocks and talked to some other people on the table who got this weird idea that we were engaged. "you two are getting married, right?" said the girl to my right. "GOD NO!" i answered. that's when i realized i was being excessively bitchy and probably a little bit scary so i concentrated on eating seafood bisque and talking to grandbrother, who was nice and drunk, too.

i don't know why i agreed to watch a movie after that but we went to his stupid house, which i hate, and found his aunty there, and she's like "kevin, where's the futon?" to which he replies, "in my room, because my mattress sucks" and she goes "oh, well i was just wondering because the house is being appraised next week so ..." i mean if you want the futon back just SAY SO even though you're the landlord and don't technically live there and so shouldn't be telling the tenants where they can and can't keep the furniture. then she tells him to do the yard (this is part of his rental agreement) and he says he did the yard and she goes "really? because the place is being appraised next week ..." and at that point i'm just thinking that she has some communication problems. you want the futon back? just say so. you think he did a shitty job with the yard, which he probably did, and you need him to go back out? just say so! and f*cking a, woman, edging the lawn is not going to help anything when what you really need to do is repair the leaky roof, for starters, and evict the world's grossest male tenants whose razors are growing mold, who evidently cannot aim to save their lives, and who never, ever change their towels. there is like one chair in the living room, a folding BEACH CHAIR. but i guess it's good that you can move it in case the roof starts leaking right over your head.

fuck. it. all.