true girly moments, i have so few. mostly because i grew up that special brand of unathletic tomboy (not pretty, not prissy, not picky; preferred going barefoot so i could climb stuff but couldn't throw a softball to save my life.) so when i find myself acting like a pretty, prissy, picky girl, it actually really amuses me. i like clothes and makeup but usually find it too much of a hassle to go through much trouble coordinating the stuff. i like the diamonds and denim look. i don't brush my hair. color is important to me. matching is not. i like tall shoes. i feel that outfits are costumes. when i'm in the mood for eyeshadow, i wear it like a drag queen. i've gone months without bothering with makeup. all this can be summed up in a couple of observations: i'm a playful dresser, i don't have a clue what is fashionable, and i don't give a shit what people think of the way i look. er, unless i went and got all dressed up just for someone (rare), in which case it would be nice if they liked the way i looked. ... and so i disappointed myself in a major way today, by giving a shit (and giving myself a semi-complex in the process.) clothes? eyebrows? WHAT is going on?
a couple of days ago i went shopping for a voltage adapter and came home with a new outfit for the boyfriend's ex-fuck-buddy's wedding: a clingy light green strapless top with gathered sides and a predominantly pink, hobo-looking calf-length skirt with green and brown details. later i realized that the wedding might be in a church and i'd need to cover my shoulders with a scarf or shawl or something, and owning neither in an appropriate color, i went to get one. (side story: i went to sears because i had a $60 gift card, and do you know, they had ONE shawl in the whole store, and it was black. so i took my GC to shoes - sears carries SBICCA!! - and got 10 percent off both pairs because they were the "floor models" plus an additional 50 percent off the cheaper pair. side-side story: the SBICCA was the cheaper pair, if you can believe it. the more expensive pair is a whole other story worse than the cotton cargo thing.)
ahem. i went to le lotus bleu to find the shawl/scarf and while i was browsing through those stupid little quarter jackets that look big enough to warm your boobs and not much else, this girl came up to me and asked what i was looking for. a cover-up, i said, for a light green tube-top. she looked at the off-white jacket i was holding and said it wouldn't match. i was confused because doesn't white match everything? but what do i know ... i let her dump a brown jacket, a tan jacket, and a SPANGLY GRAY jacket on the table on top of the off-white one i actually liked. she held up the ugly as hell gray one with silver spangles in it and said it was the best match. i said, that's gray. she said, oh, it's white, it just looks gray because of the spangles. HUH? whatever, it was too ugly for words and i went back to the one i was originally considering. so she asks me what i'm wearing the top with. so i described the skirt to her and pulled similar examples off the rack to show her the colors. she goes, "oh that doesn't match at all. those greens aren't even the same. are the tags still on? you can still return it." up till that point, i could accept that she was just doing her job trying to sell stuff and maybe even trying to be helpful. but when she told me i should return the clothes, i thanked her and left her thirty-five boob jackets on the table and walked out of the store because i didn't ASK her opinion about my outfit, in fact i didn't ask for any help at all. i came in for a cover-up, not your fashion advice.
i was all pissed off driving home ... realized that the reason i am a "playful" dresser who sees clothing as costume is because i have to, because i'm fashion-stupid. i have NO SENSE when it comes to clothes. for example, i've overdressed for every first date i've ever been on. in middle school i went nuts trying to look nice on free dress days, trying to make my hair look like everyone else's, wondering why i could wear the exact same clothes as someone else and still look so damn weird. i gave up and have been much happier since. i can't take clothes that seriously, i have to not care - because if i did care, i'd drive myself crazy trying to get it right. some people have that sixth sense for fashion or at least color coordination. i have neither. i saw the lime green top, i saw the pink skirt, i liked them both, i put them both on, i said "damn, that's hot!" and i bought them. but ... when that little girl said "that doesn't match at all, you should return them!" i went home and tried on a different top, a different skirt, i even put on pants. i TOTALLY second-guessed my "damn, that's hot!" and wasted half an hour trying to fix the outfit. despite the fact that i had just been insulted by someone who would pair gray w/spangles and light green, but not light green with pink. okay, it's all turning to mush, isn't it.
in the end, i put the light green top back on, put the pink skirt back on, said "screw you, little girl ... damn, that's hot!" and went to the boyfriend's ex-fuck-buddy's wedding where about a thousand other people were wearing green but otherwise, a good time was had by all.
... well, a good and contemplative time. she was his fuck-buddy, after all. every time someone sang her praises i wanted to chime in: "she likes handcuffs and doing it in cars." in all seriousness, the wedding was beautiful, the minister's words were thought-provoking (God may have said it is not good for man to be alone, but he didn't say it was BAD either), and i avoided the two banes of my existence: the bouquet toss and the electric slide. i was only half-good at the open bar: instead of the greyhound i wanted i had half a shirley temple.
endnote: it's so funny but even though they got way freaky back in the day, i like this girl so much more than a lot of people he claims never to have touched.
natural life slouchy sweater; shorts = american eagle outfitters , shoes =
nine west
(This was originally to be a post about letting go of material posse...
12 years ago
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