i made a jumbo, dumbo mistake tonight.
two reminders to self: NEVER try to re-capture the moment once it has definitely passed; romance is overrated.
... okay, here it is. the year-plus long thing about lack of title and seriousness? to make a really long story short, i pretty much asked him if it was okay to call him my boyfriend now. see, this whole time we've both let it be MY commitment issues that keep us what we are (or aren't) but i suspect he has a few c-issues himself and has just been getting off scot-free because i put mine on the table first. anyway, i brought it up tonight. if it is not clear to any of the ... like, three people reading this, i have major issues with the word "boyfriend" and the same issues with being called the "girlfriend." it entails privileges i'd like BUT responsibility i am happy to refuse. the tradeoff has so far been okay. but tonight in a drunken stupor (without actually being drunk) i popped the question and in response got a lukewarm, "okay, that sounds fine. want to go in now?"i made him pull over for this conversation, and that's the response i got. okay, not pull over, but i didn't want to talk about it while we were on the freeway so i waited till we were parked at the bar (or six blocks away from it because there was no parking at the bar.) maybe my mistake was bringing it up while we were on our way to the bar. i should have just said it as soon as we finished dinner, standing in a light drizzle, as soon as it occurred to me.
what am i saying? that would have been even worse. fools, children, only FOOLS rush in. don't let anyone tell you that 1.5 years is too long to dick around. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO LONG. if it ain't broke, for fuck's sake don't attempt to fix it. okay i know it was not a marriage proposal or anything but i do think we could have lingered for a few minutes before dashing across the street to sit around in a vomitesque karaoke room with a bunch of people who were at 10 p.m. already as drunk as i wish i were now.
No comments:
Post a Comment